Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mixed Tape

I'm currently sitting at Starbucks. I got a sitter so I could get out and work on the thirteen boatloads of homework I have due in school on Saturday. And yet, here I am not working on school work. This could be part of the problem.

Today I was thinking about how much I used to love a mixed tape. (Ps. I'm no good at blocking out the conversations of other people. People talk about really personal things at the Starbucks.) For a mixed tape lover like me, the digital music age of a drag and drop playlist is like a small slice of euphoria. And then I started thinking about my taste in music and how, um, eclectic it is. Some of the things I like you would like. Some of the things I like you would mock me for. I'm very secure in the fact that I'm not a musical version of a foodie. I'm not a music snob. I like all genres if the song speaks to me. I'm much more into words than music EXCEPT when it comes to a thumpin' hip-hop song. Then my inner sista appreciates the beat.

Just like my musical taste, and a playlist I might have, my life is such a compilation of randomness.

Today is the one month anniversary of my mom passing away. And I didn't even remember until I got some really sweet texts from some of my favorite people. And then I worried about what that meant. Why didn't it even dawn on me? You know why? Because I feel just the same today as I have every day so far. I am still deeply sad. Every time I turn around I'm thinking about her, and then wishing I could tell her, over laughs, what made me think of her. My mom LOVED to laugh and I'm so thankful so many of the things that make me think of her also make me laugh. She would like that, too. I guess down the road the anniversaries will be harder. Maybe when every day stops being hard. People keep telling me that day is coming. So I'm choosing to believe them.

I think it's the juxtaposition of certain things in my life that weirds me out sometimes. Like this morning, I took the kids to the library to see a special presentation by Dollywood's Penguin Players. And then I drove across town to deliver some life insurance items to my brother-in-law. By the way, the business end of this whole situation? Yeah, it sucks. It is just beyond weird to exist in both realms at the same time. It's the needing to finish 3 papers by Saturday combined with heading to the Home Depot to pick up materials for a pea teepee for the preschool garden. (Yes. You read that right. Pea Teepee.)

So, in honor of the day, and in honor of my love for the mixed tape, I made a new playlist, burned it to a CD and cranked it up on my way to the Depot and sang at the top of my lungs. It was refreshing.

Now I'm going to turn my attention to Educational Psychology. Don't be jealous. I have about a half an hour of babysitter time left. That's a laughable amount of time in the grad school arena. But, I'm hoping the Venti frappucino and bag of chocolate covered espresso beans will give me a push as the late night hours approach. And don't give me a hangover as I prepare to face a room full of three year olds in the morning!

1 comment:

SamHam said...

I'm not sure how many people read your blog-- but I LOVE it. (Maybe shouldn't read it at work... tears and bookkeeping don't mix well, haha) It's comforting to know that we're all going through the same stuff. Love you!