Friday, September 28, 2012

The Spirit is Gonna Get Ya

Spirit week is over.  Hallelujah and Amen.

It has been an intense week and I was just not prepared.  Not prepared for all the hoopla and drama and five million extra things to remember to send in.  My boy and I are tired. We're slap out of hound dog spirit.

It all started on Monday.  If you're friends with me on facebook you know this story already.  Drew was PUMPED for red, white, and blue day.  He was so pumped that he wanted to have red hair.  And paint his whole face.  I'm a fun mom, y'all, so I went to Party City and picked up a can of red hair spray.  And some face paint.  I knew that his sensory issues would not mesh well with a full face painting, so I talked him out of that.  But, I thought the red hairspray would be a blast, so we did it.  Well.  When we got into the drop off line that morning, he started to notice that no one else had red hair.  He panicked.  However, one minute before you're getting out of the car is not a lot of time to reverse the situation.  We had a quick pep talk about how to be yourself, and how if you think it's cool, then it's cool.  And if another kid makes fun of you, just punch him in the throat.  Alright, fine.  I didn't say that.  I watched that little body trudge up the sidewalk and I didn't know how on earth I was going to make it through the day.

I'll tell you how I made it.  I emailed his teacher.  Yep.  I was that mom.  I needed to know he was ok.  She was so sweet to email me back and assured me other kids were dressed up and he was just fine.  And he was.  Only, we didn't really think through what would happen when he started sweating.  By the time I picked him up red had spread all over his white shirt, on his hands, his face.  It was a complete nightmare.  I'm sure teachers all day long were cracking up.  Rookie mistake.  We survived, and while he now has pink hair (and is not AT ALL happy about it) I don't think I ever need to worry about him doing something funky with his hair.  Lesson learned.

The rest of the week, we faired pretty well.  Until today.  Today was what they call the "Hound Dog Run." It is like a little race where the kids get sponsors and run some laps and then have a popsicle.  (For a quarter.  That I forgot to send.  Don't worry, it gets worse.)  I knew there would be some parents there, but there was just no way for me to make it.  I don't work at a job where I can take a lunch break.  Or any kind of break for that matter!  I already got a sub to go on a field trip with him next week, and I just couldn't justify getting a sub to watch him run for 15 minutes.  However.

He got in the car today and told me he had a great time.  And then he said, "But there was one thing mom."  I told him to go on and he said, "At the end of the race the teachers said, 'Go find your mom', and I couldn't because you weren't there."  And then he burst into tears.


So, I did what any sane, grown adult would do.  I burst into tears, too.  Which freaked out my daughter who also burst into tears while she said over and over, "Are you happy yet, Mommy?"  This should give you an indication as to the amount of tears I've shed in her short life.  We were quite a sight.  It was one of those days when I was feeling the weight of not being enough.  I'm stretched so thin and the pressure is super high.  And the truth of the matter is, the only thing I really want to be doing is going and sitting at things like the Hound Dog Run.  I kept thinking all day that I just needed to have a good cry.  I just didn't plan to do it in the pick up line!!

Thank goodness we were able to turn things around.  We went out to dinner as a family and then took the kids to the school for the big PTO give us all your money jamboree.  They had a blast.  Big Dan and I tried not to go over the edge at the crowd of it all (we're not exactly big crowd people).  I should mention that when we arrived we ran into two of Drew's friends from class.  They had sprayed their hair blue.   As we were leaving, Drew looked at me and said, "Thanks for letting us come tonight, Mommy. I had a lot of fun. And it's ok you couldn't come today."  That boy.  He slays me.  Every time.

This chapter of wacky elementary school antics has come to a close.  I'm really hoping this is the big push for the year, and we can be done with hoopla for a while.  And if you could say a prayer that they would schedule some special events for a Tuesday or a Thursday, I'd definitely appreciate it!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

If Mom decides to clean the bathroom...

I don't know if you are familiar with Laura Numeroff's book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".  If not, you should definitely, at the very least, check it out from your local library.  It is a spunky book that is adored by kids of lots of ages.  She also has some other books that follow the same pattern of antics.  Currently, in my class, the favorite is "If You Take A Mouse to School."

As I spent half the day on Sunday attempting to get my master bathroom clean, I thought about how like these books my life is.  Especially when it comes to completing any sort of household task.  So, I'm putting it down for you, just a little taste of the insanity that is my life.  And every other mother's life I'm guessing.  Without further ado...

If Mom decides to clean her bathroom, she'll remember that her bathroom is the gateway to the attic, so all the crap in the floor has to be moved to the attic first.

When she remembers that all the crap in the floor has to be moved to the attic, she'll remember the giant pile of clothes of her husbands that need to be put in a tote to go in the attic, so she'll head downstairs with a tote.

When she arrives downstairs, she'll decide she should go ahead and run a load of laundry since it can be washing while she is cleaning.  And packing.  She'll load the washer (and restart the dryer for a third time) and proceed to the office to pack up hubby's clothes.

When she arrives in the office to pack up the clothes, she'll remember that hubby likes to be consulted before clothes are packed away, so they'll play a quick game of "Keep, Toss, Donate" (a game that 11 years later has been perfected into a quick, decisive display).  Once keep items are packed she'll head back upstairs to work on the bathroom.

Once the attic stairs are pulled down she'll begin loading aforementioned crap into the attic.  Upon arrival in the attic, she'll realize she has two boxes of clothes to be returned to a sister who will be visiting in a couple of weeks.  She pulls those totes down after the others are put up.

Since she pulled two totes down from the attic, she heads to her son's room to try and make space in his closet for said totes for two weeks.  When they don't fit there she piles them in the playroom, because, well, what else?  She heads back to the bathroom to get busy cleaning.

She sprays the shower down with what she hopes amounts to some magical soap scum fairy dust that will magically banish all soap scum from her shower.  When the shower is sprayed down, she hears the dryer timer go off, so she hurries to fold the clothes before they wrinkle.  Because heaven forbid-ironing!

Once the clothes are folded she'll realize it's creeping ever closer to dinner time, so she'll put on a large pot of water to boil.  Back upstairs she gets the toilet cleaned and then remembers she forgot to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer.  Back downstairs.

While she's downstairs she peeks at the water on the stove. No boiling. So she heads back upstairs to work on the bathroom.  She sprays down the sinks and then remembers that about 45 minutes ago she sprayed the shower.  The magical fairy dust has dried.  So she sprays it again.  Cleans the sinks and the mirror.

Once the sinks and the mirrors are clean she takes a time out to put on a princess dress and explain why a giant black and gold tutu really doesn't work with the princess dress.  There is wailing and gnashing of teeth.

The wailing and gnashing remind her that the kids might be getting hungry.  So, she goes downstairs to check the water.  It's definitely boiling.  Good thing she put a lot of water in that pot.  It's about half volume by now.  Fancy pasta from a box is added.  She heads back upstairs to clean the bathroom.

She makes it just in time-before the shower spray dries again, so she cleans the shower.  Next, she removes Mt. Washmore from the hamper (and, ok fine, from the floor, too.)  In the process she uncovers the scale *shudder* and remembers she promised to take the kids for a walk.  She quickly puts on her tennis shoes and hollers for the kids to get their shoes on.

She races down the stairs (because she has on tennis shoes) to check the pasta.  It's done.  Now for the fancy sauce from a jar.  Except there's not enough.  She then proceeds to freak out a tiny bit about the lack of sauce.  Husband wanders in (she might be causing a commotion), looks in the pot, and remarks (in jest, of course), "Is that all the sauce you have?"  She resists the urge to smack him with a wooden spoon.  Then, because she's now the best mom ever, she finds more sauce.

Once the pasta is sauced, she and the kids head out the door for a walk that includes lots of complaining and one episode of a two year old getting dumped out of the stroller.  On accident.  I swear.

When they return home, the fancy pasta/sauce combo is lukewarm-just how they like it.  So, she sits down with the kids while they eat their dinner.  After dinner it's pajamas, books, and bed.

After the kids are in bed Mom heads up the steps with the mop.  Hubby looks at her like she's nuts (can you really blame him??) and FINALLY finishes cleaning the bathroom.

After cleaning the bathroom, she falls into bed, dreaming about her very own maid.  But when she wakes up...

...she remembers there is still another bathroom to clean!!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Right Now...

Right now...

...I'm blogging for the first time in many, many days.  Hello, old friends! fine china is in the dishwasher because tonight we had "fancy dinner".  To celebrate the fact that I actually cooked.  And, yes, my fine china is dishwasher safe (thank you Lennox) because do you really think those two times a year I use my fine china I'm gonna hand wash it?  Of course not.   The kids drank root beer out of fancy stemmed glasses.  I laughed when I washed them because of the grimy film on the outside of the glasses.  Not something you see everyday.  Or if you do, you should probably reconsider your guest list for dinner!

...I feel like I should've stood by the sink all day while kids just brought me dishes to wash.  Maybe then they would all get done.

...I'm on a 30 minutes work/30 minutes relax schedule.  I do this on nights I have no motivation and lots to get done.  I work for 30 minutes and then do something fun for 30 minutes.  Yes, this doubles the time it takes me to get things done, but they get done.  Otherwise I'd just go to bed at 8:30.

...I'm excited my outfit for tomorrow is already prepared.  I've started this new system where I select all of my outfits for the week on Sunday afternoon, all the way down to the accessories.  I love it.  Of course, said system has only been in place for two weeks.  We all know how I am with the follow-through.  I do love to put a system in place.  It's the maintaining of the system I'm not so hot at.  I need to employ a systems maintainer.  I think that is called "a maid" and is reserved for "rich people".

...I am having a serious love affair with A&W diet cream soda.  And by love affair, I mean I think I might need an intervention.  Not since the Diet Mtn. Dew binge of the early 2000s have I had this much soda to drink.  Hello.  I'm Kelly and I love a Diet Cream Soda.

...I'm being freaking nickled and dimed to death by Drew's ever-lovin' school.  Seriously, I want to shout from the rooftops, "Hey PTO, the!!!!!!!!!"  Not to mention the complete tedium of being told by your FIVE YEAR OLD that the school "needs our money".  Nice brainwashing, school, really nice.

...I'm looking towards December when I finally finish my Masters.  Between now and then?  Crazy town central.  But I'll be DONE!!!!!!!!!

...I'm tired just thinking about tomorrow.  My new class of little monkeys are a fast-paced bunch!  They are sweet and smart, but law, they do not do anything slow.  And heaven forbid you take your eyes off them for one second!  By the end of the day on Monday I felt like I'd spent the whole day on a treadmill!

...I have precious few minutes left of relaxing time before I get to do something awesome like pack lunches.

'Til next time!