Monday, July 30, 2012

In The Morning

It has been a busy summer.  I still live in the mental land where summer is supposed to equal lazy days and no agendas.  It's probably been since about 1989 since I've had a summer like that, but still, it's ingrained in my mind that summer should feel this way.  Maybe it's too many Old Navy commercials...

In case I haven't mentioned it lately, I am an introvert.  If you looked at the spectrum of extrovert to introvert, I would be way over on the introvert side hovering near "hermit".  I have always required a lot of personal space.  As all you moms knows, this is now a laughable thought in my life. Personal space, if this were the black market of such things, would cost 1 million dollars in this home.  This is based on the quite limited supply and the very high demand.  I know-my economic prowess is stunning.

I've had days of feeling really boxed in.  Suffocated, if I get gut-level honest.  And as I've looked at my life, I just couldn't figure out how to make it any better.  So, I just started praying about it.  I needed help finding some margin before I, well, flipped out.  I was really hoping the answer to this prayer would be a large "nanny stipend" such that I would hire Mary Poppins to come to my house for 3 hours a day to play with the kids while I loaded up on personal space.  And if she could toss in her fancy clean a room while singing a song gig, that'd be great.  As you might imagine, this was not the answer I got.

The answer I got, loud and clear, was to start getting up before my kids.  Holy moly.  We've discussed many times my complete aversion to mornings.  Surely this could not be the solution to my situation. But there was no denying the call to do this.  It was almost like a dare.  "Try this, Kel, and just see if it doesn't make everything better."  As a part of the plan, I decided not to be strict about this time.  When I thought about digging in to a bible study during this time, it just felt heavy, like another big have to. (And yes, I know this is my issue...I'm working on it...)  Of course, the idea is to spend time with God, but I decided it could look different every day.  And I'm sure God wouldn't mind poking around on Pinterest some mornings.

It's amazing what happens when we obey.  Now listen, one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone hits upon a spiritual strategy that works for them and then begins prescribing it all around to everyone.  This is not a post about how you should be getting up early.  I would never do it to you!  Every person's relationship with God is personal.  How He deals with me, and how He deals with you probably look wildly different.  But for me, in this season, it's working.  Getting up at the prelude to the crack of dawn is changing my days.  For the better.

Every single morning looks different.  Some days, I've got three commentaries open in different windows on my computer.  I'm in the word and am amazed at the richness.  Some days I can barely stumble through three verses of the Psalms because I feel exactly like I've been hit by a truck. Some days I read a little of my current book (The Ragamuffin Gospel...again), and some days, yes, God and I peruse Pinterest.  The thing is, it doesn't really matter what I do (don't get upset-I know the Word does not return void and all that-it's valuable.  So is grace) It seems that the sheer act of getting out of bed early, just to have a minute, makes the difference.

It's almost midnight here.  I'll probably be up for a while, still, and yet, I'm sort of excited about getting up in the morning.

It's like I don't even know myself anymore!

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