Tuesday, September 25, 2012

If Mom decides to clean the bathroom...

I don't know if you are familiar with Laura Numeroff's book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie".  If not, you should definitely, at the very least, check it out from your local library.  It is a spunky book that is adored by kids of lots of ages.  She also has some other books that follow the same pattern of antics.  Currently, in my class, the favorite is "If You Take A Mouse to School."

As I spent half the day on Sunday attempting to get my master bathroom clean, I thought about how like these books my life is.  Especially when it comes to completing any sort of household task.  So, I'm putting it down for you, just a little taste of the insanity that is my life.  And every other mother's life I'm guessing.  Without further ado...

If Mom decides to clean her bathroom, she'll remember that her bathroom is the gateway to the attic, so all the crap in the floor has to be moved to the attic first.

When she remembers that all the crap in the floor has to be moved to the attic, she'll remember the giant pile of clothes of her husbands that need to be put in a tote to go in the attic, so she'll head downstairs with a tote.

When she arrives downstairs, she'll decide she should go ahead and run a load of laundry since it can be washing while she is cleaning.  And packing.  She'll load the washer (and restart the dryer for a third time) and proceed to the office to pack up hubby's clothes.

When she arrives in the office to pack up the clothes, she'll remember that hubby likes to be consulted before clothes are packed away, so they'll play a quick game of "Keep, Toss, Donate" (a game that 11 years later has been perfected into a quick, decisive display).  Once keep items are packed she'll head back upstairs to work on the bathroom.

Once the attic stairs are pulled down she'll begin loading aforementioned crap into the attic.  Upon arrival in the attic, she'll realize she has two boxes of clothes to be returned to a sister who will be visiting in a couple of weeks.  She pulls those totes down after the others are put up.

Since she pulled two totes down from the attic, she heads to her son's room to try and make space in his closet for said totes for two weeks.  When they don't fit there she piles them in the playroom, because, well, what else?  She heads back to the bathroom to get busy cleaning.

She sprays the shower down with what she hopes amounts to some magical soap scum fairy dust that will magically banish all soap scum from her shower.  When the shower is sprayed down, she hears the dryer timer go off, so she hurries to fold the clothes before they wrinkle.  Because heaven forbid-ironing!

Once the clothes are folded she'll realize it's creeping ever closer to dinner time, so she'll put on a large pot of water to boil.  Back upstairs she gets the toilet cleaned and then remembers she forgot to switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer.  Back downstairs.

While she's downstairs she peeks at the water on the stove. No boiling. So she heads back upstairs to work on the bathroom.  She sprays down the sinks and then remembers that about 45 minutes ago she sprayed the shower.  The magical fairy dust has dried.  So she sprays it again.  Cleans the sinks and the mirror.

Once the sinks and the mirrors are clean she takes a time out to put on a princess dress and explain why a giant black and gold tutu really doesn't work with the princess dress.  There is wailing and gnashing of teeth.

The wailing and gnashing remind her that the kids might be getting hungry.  So, she goes downstairs to check the water.  It's definitely boiling.  Good thing she put a lot of water in that pot.  It's about half volume by now.  Fancy pasta from a box is added.  She heads back upstairs to clean the bathroom.

She makes it just in time-before the shower spray dries again, so she cleans the shower.  Next, she removes Mt. Washmore from the hamper (and, ok fine, from the floor, too.)  In the process she uncovers the scale *shudder* and remembers she promised to take the kids for a walk.  She quickly puts on her tennis shoes and hollers for the kids to get their shoes on.

She races down the stairs (because she has on tennis shoes) to check the pasta.  It's done.  Now for the fancy sauce from a jar.  Except there's not enough.  She then proceeds to freak out a tiny bit about the lack of sauce.  Husband wanders in (she might be causing a commotion), looks in the pot, and remarks (in jest, of course), "Is that all the sauce you have?"  She resists the urge to smack him with a wooden spoon.  Then, because she's now the best mom ever, she finds more sauce.

Once the pasta is sauced, she and the kids head out the door for a walk that includes lots of complaining and one episode of a two year old getting dumped out of the stroller.  On accident.  I swear.

When they return home, the fancy pasta/sauce combo is lukewarm-just how they like it.  So, she sits down with the kids while they eat their dinner.  After dinner it's pajamas, books, and bed.

After the kids are in bed Mom heads up the steps with the mop.  Hubby looks at her like she's nuts (can you really blame him??) and FINALLY finishes cleaning the bathroom.

After cleaning the bathroom, she falls into bed, dreaming about her very own maid.  But when she wakes up...

...she remembers there is still another bathroom to clean!!!

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