Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Bizarro WalMart

You know I have a blatant hate/hate relationship with Wal-Mart, right? I'm pretty sure I've covered that topic one or twenty-six times around here. You need to know, that *i think* I might have found some sort of weird Wal-Mart utopia. We all know that when it comes to getting things for the best price you can't beat Wal-Mart. We also know that if you need say, groceries, and Valentine's cards, and brown craft pom-poms, the one-stop shopping can be alluring.

Well. Several weeks ago I started taking a new route home from Katy's in the afternoon because my commute (*snort*) was wearing me out. And since I've decided to work around anything in my life that raises my blood pressure, I decided to avoid large sections of interstate. (Uncle Jon actually hooked me up since he drives in my direction every day...) As I was driving on aforementioned new route, I noticed what looked like a brand new Wal-Mart up on a lonely hill. I asked my sister about it and she said I should give it a try that it was actually nice. So I did. And ya'll? I had quite the delightful experience. It was not crowded, it was clean, the workers were NICE, AND there were adequate lanes open. I know. Yes, I double checked to make sure I was really at Wal-Mart. I'm telling you. It's Wal-Mart in an alternate universe.

Because I'm so in love with the new place I did my grocery shopping there tonight. With two kids fresh off a long day. I had to work today-first aid and cpr training you know- and when we got to Wal-Mart it was raining. A lot. Like a middle of summer drencher, only it's the dead of winter (or haven't I mentioned that yet?) So, we bunched up under the umbrella and headed into Wal-Mart like a pack of refugees. It took me an hour to shop. AN HOUR. And, I have to tell you, my kids were awesome. I feel comfortable bragging on them in times like these, because you know I'm not one to sugar coat. But an hour of grocery shopping for anyone is misery and we actually had, dare I say it, fun!

We got to the check-out lanes and they even did great there. This in itself is amazing because this is where the wheels usually fall off. In truth, I'm the one who nearly threw a tantrum at the check-out. Can I just tell you that the rotating table of plastic bag madness at Wal-Mart stresses.me.out. It's like load up your cart roulette. Here...it...comes...grabthebaggrabthebaggrabthebag. This process is not made any more pleasant when the checker, who clearly has not ever been at the check-out lane with children to attend to, acts put out when you don't grab fast enough. Seriously. The pressure. And I was already annoyed with this girl because she was putting 1-2 items in every bag. Good grief. My buggy looked like I had shopped for 6 families instead of one and it was all bag!

It was finally time to head back to the car and, naturally, the rain had picked up. So, I did what I do...improvise. Imagine if you will-Emily in the cart seat, Drew hanging onto the handle wedged between me and Emily trying with all his might to wield an enormous umbrella, and me pushing the cart trying to frantically remember where I parked. By the time everyone was loaded up and all 7,000 plastic bags were in the back, my pants were soaked from about the knee down along with my canvas Converse. All of sudden I had a flashback to the time I worked at Six Flags and spent the whole summer with wet shoes. *Shudder*.

I won't even mention we had THREE more stops after that. My kids win the total trooper award this week. I think they are doing penance for all the mayhem last week. I.am.exhausted. And when the power almost went out last night? Well, I just started begging Jesus out loud to please, please not let it happen!

1 comment:

Katy said...

AHHHH -don't tell about the secret walmart!!! just kidding. i don't think anyone would drive out of their way to find it. :) Love you guys.