I wish I had never heard of Sandy Hook Elementary School.
I wish teachers in Newtown, Connecticut were going about their pre-break business. I wish they were taking down Christmas decor, and sending home projects, and day dreaming about a few days when they didn't have to ties shoes and wipe noses.
I wish students were drinking hot chocolate, having cookies, wearing their pajamas and watching "Polar Express"
I wish Sandy Hook Elementary were just another run of the mill elementary school full of hard working teachers.
I wish there were not parents with empty arms and emptier hearts tonight. I wish there were not families of teachers weeping. I wish the teachers were not afraid.
I wish there had not been a security vehicle and security officer in front of my own child's elementary school today. I wish I could go on believing that nothing like this could ever happen here.
I wish the world was not so dark. I wish I could go back to the days of believing every day coming could only be better than the one before. I wish my heart had any idea what to do with all the sadness.
I wish I knew for sure that my Mom was assigned to care for those new little souls in heaven. There is surely no one else more fit for the job.
My heart and my soul are overwhelmed with grief. I hold tight to the One who sees. I hold tight to the One who is, without doubt, weeping over the darkness here, too. I hold tight to the one who has watched over humanity since its beginning and has seen worse. Much worse. I hold tight to the One who looks past the darkness and extends His loving-kindness towards us.
I hold tight to Emmanuel. God with us. Please, God, be with us.
I cannot fathom how the parents and others affected by this tragedy will start to put one foot in front of the other. I am praying for them today and everyday they are separated from those they love.