This is really a weekend update, but this title popped in my head yesterday and made me chuckle.
As per usual, we started our Saturday at Cracker Barrel. I'm so grateful that my children are in a phase where they are really fun to take out to eat. We're lucky in the fact that both of our kids have always been pretty good restaurant kids. But good or not, it requires a special "energy" to take a really little kid to a restaurant. These days, the crayons and kids' menus really do provide entertainment.
We saw some sights at the Crack this week. First of all, the place was super packed. Even more than normal. I witnessed some of the most mean spirited people I have seen in a while. Listen, I need you to know that I did a brief stint as a restaurant hostess. There are few things restaurant hostesses cannot control, no matter how badly you want them to be able to. 1) A restaurant hostess cannot control how long people hang out after they eat. 2) A restaurant hostess cannot control the speed at which a table is bussed. 3) A restaurant hostess cannot control the number of people who come into a restaurant on a given day.
Y'all, there were some ladies who were just being plain ugly. You always have a choice, you know. If the wait is taking too long, you are free to leave at any time. What you shouldn't be free to do is bless out the hostess and then proceed to talk loudly about your dissatisfaction in her general direction. I was just edgy enough that I came thisclose to saying something to two different women. They both needed a spanking!
So then, there was this mom with her little boy. They were having some breakfast. He was standing in his chair most of the time. He was chewing up some bacon and spitting it back on his plate. And then he needed to go to the bathroom. I watched his mom make a comment to one of the workers that she was just going to the bathroom. Because it was just the two of them, there was no one left at the table. You know what's coming, don't you? They totally bussed her table! My heart rate went up by about 100. I was pretty worried about what that mom was going to say when she came back. And yes, I realize it was none of my business, but this is who I am! I watched the manager stop her on her way back to her seat, and apparently they offered her some free food. She got some pancakes for her little boy. He was mostly interested in taking the butter glob from the top and trying to cut it with a knife. While he held it in his hand. I wish I was joking.
After breakfast, we headed to the mall. We went with a singular purpose. Big Dan needed one specific item from the Big & Tall shop at Dillards. I have no idea what possessed us to venture into the mall proper. But we did. Since we were already swept up in the mayhem, I decided to duck into Children's Place to pick up some socks for Emily. Apparently, they were having some sort of open house situation. There were cookies and lemonade. Let me take this opportunity to tell you that I witnessed a little girl DRINK DIRECTLY FROM THE LEMONADE BOTTLE. Beware of free, unmonitored lemonade at the mall. The store was packed and I was in there with my stroller. I'm pretty sure I was already breaking out in hives. And then, I waited in line no less than 15 minutes for four pair of white socks.
While we were in the store, Emily fell madly in love with a really special pink shirt, bedazzled with a peace sign. And by special, I mean terrible. I told her we weren't getting any clothes. But, because Daddy is madly in love with Emily, he told her she could pick out an outfit. I tried with all my heart to steer her towards something other than the peace sign shirt. She just did not feel passionately about anything else.
In the meantime, Drew and Big Dan had finished their shopping. We bumped into them in the corridor. One look at Big Dan and I knew he had met his limit. His eyes were bulging and he was breaking a sweat. He was not happy to know that we were still in progress. The guys would be waiting in the car.
So...Emily found her peace sign shirt by some miracle, and lo and behold it was her size. (Rats!) She was ecstatic. We get so many hand-me-downs that she doesn't get many chances to really pick out clothes. It was SO fun to watch her! I finally gave into the moment and bought her some peace sign leggings to go with her shirt. She was so excited that we had to go straight to the bathroom and put her new outfit on.
And that's when the girls hit their limit.
First of all, we had to take her shoes off. In the public bathroom. GAH. I was trying to have her stand on top of her shoes, but she wasn't getting it. So I was just trying to hurry. Meanwhile, they have those super sonic hand dryers in the bathroom. You know the kind that blow so hard that your skin ripples and threatens to blow off? Yeah. Those. And they are LOUD. Try dressing a four year old who refuses to take her hands off her ears. Now I was sweating.
By the time we were done, I could not get out of there fast enough. When I got in the car Big Dan showed me a video of what he had experienced. It was a kid who would.not.stop.screaming.
Suffice to say, I think the Hulls can check "yearly visit to the mall" off the list for at least 365 more days.