Friday, August 19, 2011

That Day

Yesterday, I had THAT day.

You know the one. The one where the wheels are falling off every time you turn around? Yeah. THAT one.

It probably has something to do with the fact that I started the day in the dentist chair for round two. And I say round two because, oh yes, there will be a round three. As soon as I win the lottery. I took my friend Lana's advice this time and got the gas. Dr. Dentist told me last time it wouldn't make that much difference. Dr. Dentist is a giant liar. On the gas he could've used a ball peen hammer in my mouth and I probably would've thought it was funny. The gas was delightful. I really wish I could have a little nitrous gas around 5 p.m. everyday. I would be a SUPER fun mom then!!

When I got home I felt like I had done a whole day and it was only 9:00. In the morning. Emily woke up super early yesterday and by 10:30 she was a falling apart mess. So, I put her down for a nap two hours early. And then I tried to figure out what the heck the rest of our day would look like. I also attempted to plan out meals for the next week and clip coupons. This sounds like a completely mundane task, but it is not. It is complicated and makes my brain hurt. It paid off though, because I saved $81.00. And earned $0.20/off each gallon of gas. My spirits were only dampened by the fact that my kids acted like maniacs in the grocery store.

First of all, I never need to pay to take them anywhere. Their idea of the perfect outing is to ride in the car buggy and eat a free cookie at Kroger. They sort of make me think of Toonces the driving cat in that buggy. Not to mention the task it is to avoid running into shelves/people while steering that behemoth. Not only is it fun for the kids, it's a total upper body work out for me. Yesterday, they couldn't keep their heads in the cab. I say they couldn't because surely it wasn't that they WOULDN'T. Surely after asking 1,076 times, they would listen. But those little heads just kept popping out. So, Emily ended up in the basket up by me. I'll let you ruminate on how you think that went's a hint: lots of screaming. We finally made it to the check out where the bag boy proceeded to load all my groceries into another buggy. Usually I stop them and ask them to load the groceries into the buggy where my kids are (DUH!) but this time I was too busy trying to contain all the crazy. I thought, "Oh well, when they ask if I need help out, I'll choke back my introverted nausea and say yes." Only they didn't ask. So I proceeded to unload all the bags from one buggy to another. The bag boy did not seem to notice. I think this is the problem when you're 19 and clearly have never grocery shopped with kids.

We got home and I set to work on cleaning out the pantry. I was not, what you would call, a nice mom during this time. I banned the kids from the kitchen (repeatedly) and talked like a coach. It was just that every time Drew walked through the kitchen he picked something up and moved it, usually to the floor and

Finally, the pantry and the kitchen were clean. Just in the nick of time because a storm blew through and the thunder turned Emily into a giant barnacle. After the rain (cue "Nelson") I had to go rescue the outside trash container, which had picked up about 3 inches of rain in the bottom. Nothing like dumping over a trash can the size of oneself and pouring out a load of trash juice. I was outside for maybe two minutes. By the time I came back in two entire bowls of trail mix had been poured out on my floor. Right in front of the door. It's like they put it there on purpose.

Remember in "Kindergarten Cop" when the lady said that kindergarten is sort of like the ocean-you never turn your back? Yeah. That.

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