Not a humbug

I'm here to clear up some misconceptions that are floating around about me.

I am not a Christmas hater.

In fact, I love Christmas. I love the music, and the smells and the festivities and the wonder and of course, the baby Jesus.

I love Christmas.

When it's Christmas time.

I do not love Christmas when it's two weeks past Halloween and I'm still trying to enjoy my favorite season, which goes by way too fast in Tennessee as it is. It takes Tennessee a solid month to get its weather sorted out for fall time. There are just too few nip in the air, blue in the sky, color in the leaves days to go giving ANY of them away to Christmas.

I love Fall. I love the month of November. It feels like the deep breath month. After the rush of the start of school, and before the rush of Christmas, November is a chance to take a deep breath and just be for a minute. I am a fan of "just being".

I want to savor every moment of fall leaves and pumpkins and squash and my favorite color palette-orange and brown. It would be inappropriate to be relishing that stuff come December 1, so I have to use up every last drop of November to cherish it.

Therefore, when my grocery store decides they will only stock Christmas patterned paper towels in their store brand? Nope. I bought name brand paper towels for the first time in at least a year. And I didn't buy napkins at all.

So. Here's to the few and the proud, still standing up for their autumn loving rights. Take a breath friends, take a breath.

The Highly Sensitive Family Goes to the Mall

This is really a weekend update, but this title popped in my head yesterday and made me chuckle.

As per usual, we started our Saturday at Cracker Barrel. I'm so grateful that my children are in a phase where they are really fun to take out to eat. We're lucky in the fact that both of our kids have always been pretty good restaurant kids. But good or not, it requires a special "energy" to take a really little kid to a restaurant. These days, the crayons and kids' menus really do provide entertainment.

We saw some sights at the Crack this week. First of all, the place was super packed. Even more than normal. I witnessed some of the most mean spirited people I have seen in a while. Listen, I need you to know that I did a brief stint as a restaurant hostess. There are few things restaurant hostesses cannot control, no matter how badly you want them to be able to. 1) A restaurant hostess cannot control how long people hang out after they eat. 2) A restaurant hostess cannot control the speed at which a table is bussed. 3) A restaurant hostess cannot control the number of people who come into a restaurant on a given day.

Y'all, there were some ladies who were just being plain ugly. You always have a choice, you know. If the wait is taking too long, you are free to leave at any time. What you shouldn't be free to do is bless out the hostess and then proceed to talk loudly about your dissatisfaction in her general direction. I was just edgy enough that I came thisclose to saying something to two different women. They both needed a spanking!

So then, there was this mom with her little boy. They were having some breakfast. He was standing in his chair most of the time. He was chewing up some bacon and spitting it back on his plate. And then he needed to go to the bathroom. I watched his mom make a comment to one of the workers that she was just going to the bathroom. Because it was just the two of them, there was no one left at the table. You know what's coming, don't you? They totally bussed her table! My heart rate went up by about 100. I was pretty worried about what that mom was going to say when she came back. And yes, I realize it was none of my business, but this is who I am! I watched the manager stop her on her way back to her seat, and apparently they offered her some free food. She got some pancakes for her little boy. He was mostly interested in taking the butter glob from the top and trying to cut it with a knife. While he held it in his hand. I wish I was joking.

After breakfast, we headed to the mall. We went with a singular purpose. Big Dan needed one specific item from the Big & Tall shop at Dillards. I have no idea what possessed us to venture into the mall proper. But we did. Since we were already swept up in the mayhem, I decided to duck into Children's Place to pick up some socks for Emily. Apparently, they were having some sort of open house situation. There were cookies and lemonade. Let me take this opportunity to tell you that I witnessed a little girl DRINK DIRECTLY FROM THE LEMONADE BOTTLE. Beware of free, unmonitored lemonade at the mall. The store was packed and I was in there with my stroller. I'm pretty sure I was already breaking out in hives. And then, I waited in line no less than 15 minutes for four pair of white socks.

While we were in the store, Emily fell madly in love with a really special pink shirt, bedazzled with a peace sign. And by special, I mean terrible. I told her we weren't getting any clothes. But, because Daddy is madly in love with Emily, he told her she could pick out an outfit. I tried with all my heart to steer her towards something other than the peace sign shirt. She just did not feel passionately about anything else.

In the meantime, Drew and Big Dan had finished their shopping. We bumped into them in the corridor. One look at Big Dan and I knew he had met his limit. His eyes were bulging and he was breaking a sweat. He was not happy to know that we were still in progress. The guys would be waiting in the car.

So...Emily found her peace sign shirt by some miracle, and lo and behold it was her size. (Rats!) She was ecstatic. We get so many hand-me-downs that she doesn't get many chances to really pick out clothes. It was SO fun to watch her! I finally gave into the moment and bought her some peace sign leggings to go with her shirt. She was so excited that we had to go straight to the bathroom and put her new outfit on.

And that's when the girls hit their limit.

First of all, we had to take her shoes off. In the public bathroom. GAH. I was trying to have her stand on top of her shoes, but she wasn't getting it. So I was just trying to hurry. Meanwhile, they have those super sonic hand dryers in the bathroom. You know the kind that blow so hard that your skin ripples and threatens to blow off? Yeah. Those. And they are LOUD. Try dressing a four year old who refuses to take her hands off her ears. Now I was sweating.

By the time we were done, I could not get out of there fast enough. When I got in the car Big Dan showed me a video of what he had experienced. It was a kid who would.not.stop.screaming.

Suffice to say, I think the Hulls can check "yearly visit to the mall" off the list for at least 365 more days.

Fan/Not a Fan

You know how sometimes you see something and you think, "Well, I like that, but on the other hand, I hate it."

What?

That's just me?

Oh.

Well, I was thinking just the other night about this and decided this could be a fun feature. Let's just be honest and say upfront that I'm sure I'm going to offend someone. We are a very easily offended people these days. So, if I offend you? Let's talk, like for real, and fix it.

In the mean time, my very first fan/not a fan.

Fan: I love when kids start grasping important biblical truths. I love it so much that I have spent a great deal of my life teaching kids things about God. I believe deep down in my bones that children are capable of real, vibrant, saving relationships with God. Even little children.

Not a fan: People who brag about how spiritual their children are on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram.  I get it. It's tempting to do this because as a parent, it's super cool to watch this start to happen in your own children's lives. The thing is, there is just no way to post this on social media without it being a giant boast. "Hey, everybody, look at how amazingly spiritual my kid is. This, by deduction, means I'm rocking it as a parent." See what I mean?

You have no idea how tempted I am when I see this to slap a big #humblebrag right in the comment section. Just because it's about Jesus doesn't mean it's not about your ego, too.

It's fun to brag on our kids. That's what grandmas are for. Or friends who adore your kids like grandmas do.

Otherwise, keep all your kids prayers in the prayer closet. I'd hate to have to slap you with a hashtag!

Weekend Update

Well hey there! It's me again.

It's a little dusty around here. October just about killed me. It was filled to the brim with all manner of unbloggable events, so I apologize if you've been waiting for a new post.

I just love writing on this little ol' blog. But, it takes some space and quiet. It also takes me getting some sleep so I can form a coherent sentence.

I was not sad to see October go. Because, honestly? October=Drama. I don't know how well you know me, but I am not a fan of the drama. Particularly when my little family is minding it's own business and some drama gets plopped down in our laps. So you see? You're glad I didn't blog last month. It would've been vague and bitter. No one appreciates vague and bitter. You know those people who post something cryptic on Facebook like, "I just don't know how I'm going to make it..."? Don't you just want to comment to them in all caps and say something like IF YOU'RE GOING TO PUT YOUR BUSINESS OUT THERE, PUT IT ALL OUT THERE. I'M NOSEY AND I DON'T APPRECIATE YOUR ALLUSIONS TO YOUR DRAMA. Am I right? If you're going to broadcast your dysfunction, go ahead and tell me the whole story so I can spend a good chunk of time analyzing the situation. It's like my hobby.

Moving on...

This weekend marked our first weekend without sports in quite some time. I know most parents complain about their kids' activities, but I have just had the best time watching Drew play baseball and football. I'm sure some of the sheen will wear off if he's still playing in 10 more years, but for now it's just so much fun. It also helps that he adores sports. He is not the best player out there, but he gives it everything he's got. It's been so fun to watch him put his mind to something and really get better. Plus, he's so freaking adorable in his little uniforms. I could just about shed a tear every time he goes out there to play.

That said, I was not sad to have the chance to ease into the day on Saturday. When there aren't ballgames to be watched you can usually find the Hulls at Cracker Barrel on a Saturday morning. Or a Saturday afternoon depending on how sluggish the parents are/what time the UT game comes on. The past few Saturdays I have basically come a complete stop. This really comes back to bite me on Sunday, but at the time? It's delightful. I hope you had a restful weekend.

I'm off to try and read my book for book club. We're reading "The Cuckoo's Calling" by Robert Galbreath (aka JK Rowling). Book club is on Thursday. I started reading the book today. Riiiiight.

Also? Blacklist is on the TV tonight. Do you watch this show? Let's discuss shows soon.

Here's to having Monday under our belts!

I Don't Even Like Dogs

Y'all.

There is so much hilarity happening in the Hull household right now. So.much. The bad news? I can't tell you about any of it.

I know. So mean. You need to really be hoping that someday I feel the freedom to share. Because this is stuff you can't make up. Pure comedic gold.

In the meantime, we are wrapping up a busy month only to get ready to head into another busy month, followed by a busy month, and then another busy month. I like to refer to this time of year as the slide of doom that leads to the post-Christmas coma. Not that I'm thinking about Christmas. Because, no. Just no.

Besides all the un-postable hilarity happening, there's lots to catch you up on. Most notably, Drew's school hired a new first grade teacher and he was moved to her class. After 6 weeks of school. Let's just say I had some opinions on this.

Also, I'm planning to run a 5K. I know you went back to read that again, because, whaaaat?? I know. I promise you didn't slip into bizarro world. There is a 5K supporting pancreatic cancer in a couple of weeks. I've been using the Couch 25K program and it has been amazing. I would highly recommend it to lazy bums who never run. Totally works.

Have I mentioned that I'm teaching Spanish at the preschool this year? You didn't know I spoke Spanish? Well, that would be because I don't. You feel good about the next generation of learners, don't you?? Yeah, so does Big Dan who actually speaks Spanish. He might have said something like, "They hired YOU to teach Spanish??" But listen, I've been through the Pre-K Spanish class THREE times. I'm practically a Pre-K Spanish prodigy at this point. I also have a puppet that I use. I'm dropping all kinds of crazy info on you today, huh? A PUPPET.

I'm going to leave you to it today. I don't want to stir up any more feelings of envy in you. I'd hate to make you stumble in that way. Just know that I'm sitting on the porch at Whole Foods mooching wifi. I might also be eavesdropping on every conversation going on around me. I think it's safe to say that I'm the only one here with a puppet in their bag.

Carry on...

I Got Nothing

Listen. I apologize for the title. I could not for the life of me think of anything remotely title-ish. So, I went with honesty.

Holy cow.

I have SO much to tell you about. I could start with any number of stories. It has been an eventful month. But, I think I'll start with how I almost burned the house down tonight.

If you have known me for any length of time, you know that only a small spurt of time will pass before I do something really dumb/slightly dangerous. These things almost always happen on a "cycle", if you will. Dudes, you may want to look away briefly. Something about my hormones makes me lose my mind, my ability to control my limbs, and think beyond one second in the future. I'm really a delight to live with.

In fact, the almost burning down of the house was the second near-accident encounter I had this week. Tuesday night as I was driving to the church I almost had a wreck. Because I was rubber-necking. You can judge me all you want, but when I tell you what I was looking at, don't even act like you wouldn't have been rubber-necking, too. There was this girl out for a jog, and not to be weird, but she was a young, attractive, fit girl. And behind her was a dude on some kind of odd, long bicycle situation that I'm pretty sure was partially motorized. He was wearing a suit, a yarmulke, and a long ponytail. He was riding behind this girl completely leering at her with a creepy grin on his face. She had no idea he was behind her. I guess his bike motor is whisper quiet. ANYWAY. I was concerned for her safety/fascinated by the whole affair. I looked up just in time to swerve before ramming into the car in front of me. Complete with a tire squeal. I think it's fair to say I might have saved her life.

I am hosting book club at my house tonight. I am beyond paranoid that my house is stinky all the time. So, I decided to try out an idea I saw on Pinterest. *cue ominous music* Pinterest told me that if I put a small candle in a bowl with coffee beans, the warmth of the candle would bring out the delightful aroma of the coffee, filling my house with a pleasant smell. Which, considering I'm having guests, I was up for. We have had two bags of coffee beans in our freezer for nigh on 7 years. Someone gave them to us as a gift. But we have no coffee grinder. The frugal part of me was thrilled. FREE AROMA!

So, I filled two little ramekins with coffee beans and added a small candle to each. I placed them strategically and waited for coffee smell. The technique worked only so-so in my opinion. I like my aromas strong. Which is fortunate, because when I woke up at 2:30 a.m. the best word to describe the smell? STRONG. My thought process, while asleep mind you, went something like this: hmmmm...weird....burning...BURNING!!!...I left the candles burning! I bolted down the stairs to the kitchen where a ramekin full of coffee beans sat smoldering. Like little teeny miniature coals. I ran to the other ramekin and it had gone out (I thought) without with smoldering.

You should know that Big Dan stays up all hours of the night. I'm really thankful for this, because it is often after I've gone to bed that the consequences of one of my disasters flares up. Or, you know, a kid pukes. As I was running around, I failed to notice Big Dan watching me flail about in my sleepy, panicked stupor. He finally said, calmly, "Your coffee beans were on fire." And I said, "I know, they were smoldering so I ran them under some water." He said, "No. I came in a bit a go and there were FLAMES coming from the bowl."  Thank goodness he was awake. He also said when he started smelling burning he thought he might be having a stroke. Thank goodness he didn't have a stroke.

Lessons learned: 1. Sometimes it's better to just go ahead and splurge on a candle. I'm going to need a good one to rid my house of burnt coffee bean smell before tonight. 2. I will awake and spring into action if there is ever a fire. 3. The adrenaline from aforementioned springing will cause me to be up for the day at 3 a.m. Sleep deprivation is going to do wonders for my mental agility and coordination today.

You might want to steer clear.

Sunday Sound Out

It's that time again. When I air my grievances. Get excited!

Before I get started, I need to say that both of my children have succumbed to the "start of school sickies". These are the very special germs made when hundreds of grubby little people spend all day breathing on each other. Right now, it's only a cold. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse. Big Dan has a sore throat. Last year was the sickest year he's had in recent memory. He was no match for brand new kindergarten germs. I'm hoping he built up some immunity during all those days sick. As for me, my immune system has been fortified by literal years of wiping tiny noses, holding grubby hands, and hugging and kissing kiddos who should've stayed home.

Suffice to say, it's going to be a rough week around here.

Because tired+hungry+sick=HELP!!!!!

Now. On to the business at hand.

I'm a really big fan of Fall. I love when Fall is approaching and every now and then you feel that little crisp in the air. I love Fall smells, and colors, and football, and fires. All that. Love every bit of it. I haven't been as anxious for Fall to come this year because the weather has just been so delightful. Last year, when my face was melting off on a daily basis, I longed for Fall to come.

And I'm excited this year. I am.

Just NOT excited enough to be ok with Fall decor being out in full force ALREADY. (This post is dedicated to my friend, Jen, who is a strong voice on the subject of holiday creepage.) You wanna know what holiday creepage is? Well, holiday creepage is when a holiday and it's garb start creeping onto the scene too early. We are all used to seeing this happen with Christmas. At the stroke of midnight on November 1, the spider webs and skeletons come down and Santa and his reindeer go up. It's pure madness.

But these days, holiday creepage is not limited to Christmas. EVERY holiday is now officially in on the act. When I went to Kroger yesterday, and they had some ceramic jack-o-lanterns out FRONT? Oh no you did not. We're not even going to ease in with some mums? We're going straight to jack-o-lanterns??

Then today, I was in Walgreens (buying cold medicine, obviously) when I noticed their HALLOWEEN CANDY was out. Really? Do I really want some candy someone bought a full 10 weeks before Halloween??? I mean, Walgreens, you're a delightful little drug store. Can't you just do without some hoopla for one minute? Focus on your meds and your delicious snacks. And your tempting Kate +8 People Magazine cover. Just take a breath. Aren't you tired after all the "Back to School" drama?

I am putting up a protest. I refuse to buy anything Fall related until October 1. And I refuse to buy any Halloween Candy until WAY closer to the actual day of Halloween.

So take that holiday creepage! You're no match for my one woman demonstration.