In Which I Share My Heart

WARNING! I always like to warn you when my blog is going to take a turn for the serious. Consider yourselves warned. Also, you might be offended by what I have to say. I'm totally ok with that. We can talk about it if you want to. Or not. You know, whatever.

One of my very favorite sermons ever was given by Andy Stanley, who I have a complete preacher crush on. And by preacher crush, I mean, I wish he was my preacher. Not an actual crush. Just clearing that up. Anyway, I heard him speak at the Catalyst conference several years ago. For me, the Catalyst conference was sort of weird and surreal. It was targeted to a "post-modern" audience. I have never been trendy enough to appreciate "post-modern" targeted things. Like secular songs in a worship service. Just sayin'. Ok, seriously, to the point. Stanley's sermon came on the heels of a talk by John Eldredge. If you know anything about John Eldredge, you know he is super into BIG ADVENTURES and the adventuresome nature of God. All true. Can be inspiring stuff. But Andy Stanley gave this amazing talk about following God and glorifying God when your big adventure of the day is taking out the trash.

There seems to be a lot of movement in the Christian community these days around big gestures and big leaps of faith in our relationship with God. I have had a lot of those times in my life. Mind blowing, jaw dropping moments when the Lord is glorified in my life in a big way. Lately, though, I've been feeling a little "Crazy Love" angst. And by that I mean, I read the book "Crazy Love" and started thinking, "I'd better get busy finding my big crazy act of love." And then I told myself to shut up because I know better. We aren't supposed to go out looking for some sort of giant thing to do "for" God. I hearkened back to good old "Experiencing God" and the tenet: Find where God is at work and join Him there. God is the initiator of His own glory. Mind blowing, huh? My job is to open my heart and my ears and follow God when He calls, wherever He calls.

In all honesty, I've felt a little side lined lately. Benched, so to speak. There was a time in my life when I felt extremely used by God. And, being candid again, He has seemed very quiet in regards to my service to Him. I've been a little complainy about it during my prayer time. So, tonight He spoke to me as only He can as I watched formula dribble down my baby daughter's chin.

It isn't about the gesture. It isn't about the act. It is about His glory. His glory in the mundane. His glory in the everyday. Of course I will raise my hands to praise Him when a soul is saved, a child rescued, the hurting healed. But will I raise my hands to praise Him when the puke runs down my back and I'm playing super heroes for the 15th time in a day? When life gets hard, when sleep is scant, when my husband and I pass like two ships in the night, will I praise Him? My heart and my holiness are his goal. And here's the thing. There are lots of ways for the Lord to get us where he wants us to be. Right now, for me, being a bench warmer is about a lot more than just my taking a rest.

So I'm laying down my quest for "the thing" I'm supposed to be doing. The Lord knows where we're headed. There is purpose in this season. He is no less pleased with me now that my days are filled with dishes and laundry. And I should do each of those things with as much commitment as when my days were filled with children's ministry.

I dreamed of being a wife and a mom. Funny how I got all uncomfortable, thinking it wasn't "enough". Like I said, I know better.