Calamity Jane

For pity's sake, it's like I have the reverse Midas touch. Everything I touch, or even talk about, somehow falls to pieces. Sometimes literally.

When Big Dan goes running and screaming from our home never to return, I don't want you to hold it against him. There's only so much one man can take. As I've mentioned, my brain has left the building. I swear I used to be a bright, capable person. Now I can barely string together a sentence. When I do manage to put words together, you can bet that somewhere in there will be the words "poop", "RIGHT NOW!", and something along the lines of "Please don't cover your sister's face up with Ribbit."

I have messed up A LOT in the last few months. Some are real screw-ups, totally my fault, and because my body has to do 90 mph while my brain will only go 10. Like, using the wrong debit card at the grocery store, thus accruing fees on an account I don't use. Among other things. Things way too embarrassing to post here, which should tell you something, since I've pretty much embarrassed myself repeatedly here.

Other things, though, are just bad luck. Like getting rear-ended in the car Big Dan had for less than 24 hours. I was just sitting there and wham-o! Or the fact that EVERY string of Christmas lights I plugged in this year did not work. Naturally, I figured this out after winding them carefully around the banister garland. The icing on this particularly bitter cake came when I bought two brand new window candles (because two were broken of course) and straight out of the package THEY WOULD NOT TURN ON! Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

And finally, today.

Let me back up. Our garage door has had a serious problem for, I'd say, around 3 years now. Especially when the weather gets cold, the door will not close. One has to keep pushing the button repeatedly in order to get the door all the way down. This is really fun when you're trying to get your toddler to preschool, or you have a screaming baby who just wants you to go already.

Apparently, today, the garage door appeared to be all the way open, but alas, was not. As I was backing out, I heard a big crunch. I COULD NOT figure out what I had hit. Had someone pulled in behind me in an invisible car? I hopped out of the car and ran around to the back (while the baby wailed) and just stood there. I could not see a single thing that looked like the sound I had heard. And then I looked up. The rack on the top of my car hit the bottom 1/16 of the garage door. It knocked the metal band off and the rubber stopper was just sort of hanging there. Fantastic. I got the door to raise a bit, so I could back out and when I went to close the door it became apparent that the door had been knocked off the rails. Um. Right.

And just to add that touch of something special to my already fabulous day, the key I have to the dead bolt on our front door does not work. Which means, I had to climb under the bum door in order to get into the house. A sight all of you should be sad you missed.