Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Money Pit

Do you remember this movie??

The Tom Hanks movie where he and his girlfriend move into a beautiful two story house and then everything starts falling apart?? My favorite scene in this movie is when the tub falls through the floor and a pit-stained Hanks just starts laughing maniacally.


This morning I walked downstairs with the baby and was barely awake. She actually slept great last night, but when she woke up I was right in the middle of a super weird dream about a kid from my youth group. I haven't thought about him in a good twenty years, which is nice because he was rather obnoxious. Anyway, all that to say, that I was sort of in a stupor. Which is why I didn't notice the GIANT PUDDLE OF WATER in front of the fridge before I stepped in it. Do you ever notice when you encounter some sort of situation that appears bad, about 155 things run through your mind all at once? In the span of 30 seconds I had come up with about 15 reasons why there might be a giant puddle of water on my kitchen floor, and none of them were good. I finally realized that there was water pouring out of the water dispenser on the front of our fridge. This particular water dispenser has not dispensed one single drop of water in well over a year. Apparently, it was ready to make up for lost time.

I grabbed several towels and tried to slow down the accumulation of water. This conjures the image of the little kid putting his finger in the dam, and more water just keeps springing out. So, I had to wake up Big Dan. I had big plans to let Big Dan sleep in today. He's been home this week and has been getting up early with us. He had golf plans and I thought, "Wouldn't it be great to get to sleep in and then go play golf?" I tried, honey, I really did. It's just that the house has declared war on us. Obviously.

Big Dan got the water shut off (and I won't even go into the amount of funk that had accumulated under the fridge...) and figured out what had gone wrong. Next, we got on the phone with my dad, who handy enough, is an appliance parts salesman. Owns a whole store of them, actually. He is, by this point in my life, not at all surprised to get a call from me first thing in the morning about some broken down piece of my house. So, the part is on it's way.

This is about the fifth thing to go wrong around here in as many days. And, I SWEAR I did not break any of them! The handle on my microwave has been broken for a while and finally, during the Christmas party (naturally) the whole dang thing just pulled right off. All the while, the toilet upstairs was clogged. We were suspicious, what with all the short people running around. We would not have been surprised to find all manner of objects in there. We have some plumbing issues. Shocking, I know.

I fixed the microwave door with some Mighty Putty that I picked up on a whim at Target about two years ago. I was feeling rather smug at my accomplishment. I should've known better. Today I pulled the handle to open the door, and off it popped. Oh, Mighty Putty how you've failed me. Now, not only is the handle broken off, but there is also a big glob of cement stuck to the door. It's lovely.

And finally, during a particularly windy night, a complete section of our fence blew down. We figured this out when we came home from some shopping to find our dog, Barney, tied to our front porch. Our neighbor kid found him wandering around and was nice enough to bring him home and give him some water. So, now, I'm in charge of my dog's bodily functions as well. That's a whole lot of bathroom in my life right now. It's amazing how frequently he needs to go out when I'm involved.

The washing machine has a slow leak and the gutter came unattached from the roof again.

I'm gettin' ready to order up a big ol' case of duct tape.

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